LOLAFIEDX

Night falls. 

We creep out to the rooftop at random, leaning back on our elbows admiring the stars in the sky. Picturing how our lives would be if we hadn’t found each other. Like the number of fireflies I have attempted to place in a glass jar or picking up dandelions without it’s beauty dispersing away with the wind, you are just as magnificent but I guess when everything feels like in the movies, you bleed just to know you're alive.
Is it selfish to want to keep you forever? 

Cause I love the way you made your way in.

The kind of conversation that changed me happened at 4 in the morning comforted by the warmth of my heart. I was reluctant to write on this with no light sources except which, beaming from my screen but where else do I pen my growth.

This is me.

Raw.

Fragile.

& blanket with emotions. 

If you have been on my blog long enough you would have probably know of someone whom I always speak dearly of. Although everything seems to be in a sense of anonymity, those around me knew the power my kryptonite had over me.

Hold up.

With that being said, I was 20 when we got to know of each other. Fast forward to 22, we were still vibing on the same groove- or so i thought. At the tender age of my early 20s, I was inclined to always improve on myself. I was caught up with loads of burdens on my shoulders and the desire to  succeed was consistent regardless on bad or good days. My priorities had been centralised to make my goals attainable right after I quit my full time job. I was self-employed at 21 and was living on perseverance and that sheer determination to succeed. We all know, when you are self-employed its either feast or famine, there's no middle ground. However, it has always been the same hustle prior, when I was working with SQ and studying at the same time. I had started on my business as a side income so when my network grew, my investments grew and I was doing so well. 

Praises to God. 

The downside of it all was my personal devotion to love and be loved in return. 

As a young adult, I became nonchalant on the subject of love. The commitment it takes to fall in love was just as bigger as the hustle I have riding on me. I am running a Financial Corporation on the daily and having someone to commit to was quite a devotion. I was scared of falling in love because of what might come when we fall out of it.

Nonetheless, I knew he was waiting on me to give up my time, at any point of the day to at least grab dinner or lunch, with all the effort like calling me early in the morning for breakfast and was willingly coming to where I am or where I have to head to. The greatness of a man, proven time and again fell onto my own hands, never reciprocated. On times where I would agree, there was always a last minute or urgent work issues which I always prioritised evidently. 

One thing for sure was that through it all, through everything I have going on, I was sincerely holding on to whatever was between us. The unexplainable inclination, through his visions and dreams, I gave my best to be a support system as passive aggressive as that might sound. Countless of silent prayers and just wishing for everything to go right in his new venture.

In return, I was given a solid shoulder to lean on. The kind that puts your situation into perspective and turning the bad positions to something positive. I was putting him above everyone despite us not being a "thing" because I was sure of it. Whatever "it" was. 

Time. 

Time changes everything. Comes a new found dream, we outgrew love. We outgrew us. We became the epitome of the one that got away. It is unfair for me to not let him grow, to stop him from loving someone else just because.

For what was build between the times we were connected, I've learnt to live.

My fault to keep you trying. I was at the very last minute. Then I knew something was already forged  between you and that lucky one. 

Well anyway, 

Someday.